Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
