drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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