don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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