So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
