a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
