hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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