i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
