Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
