I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
