We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
