You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
