i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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