I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
