I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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