so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
