when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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