he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
