Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
