How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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