your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
