He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
