I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sober January is a disaster.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
