You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize