Yo dont text me then not text me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
