you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
