i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
