Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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