ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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