If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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