im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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