tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
