YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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