i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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