so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
