I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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