Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize