So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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