McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
