There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
