Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
