I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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