Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
