I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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