2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
