the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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