I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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