dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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