I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
