just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
