I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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