at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
