Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
