I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
