Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
