Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
