Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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