nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
