so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
