I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
