You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
