I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
