At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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