her vagine was all disorganized.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
