your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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